QUARANSCREAM—April 24, 2020

Today wasn’t as bad as the day before, although I’m floating in time like a jellyfish. Revising my memoir again, and I have nightmares often as a result. In the most recent one, I buried a gun in a hole in the woods. Reading Gita’s latest 30 pages last night I had goosebumps often. I was riveted to the page for most of it.

Vinh didn’t have to work until 2 so I went for a run/walk. I forgot my mask. But it’s almost impossible to run with a mask because, well, you can’t breathe with one on. As I ran through the Arboretum someone called to me. It was Samantha, my life coach, barely recognizable wearing a black mask. “Sorry I forgot my mask,” I called as I ran by. I don’t really like running but not much choice now in breaking a sweat and it boosts my mood 90 percent. I need that.

I talked to Michelle and read her some of my new stuff from my memoir and she commented. She’s really good at giving feedback and it encouraged me to keep going. In the morning I shut myself up on the third floor and worked on my memoir. Vinh was in a better mood. He made me some fried rice for lunch. He was there in the morning and therefore in charge of Lily’s “homeschooling,” also known as tracking down Zoom addresses. Then I shifted gears and did a BLOTC post. Fridays are hard because the weekend with Lily looms and there is quite literally nothing to do. If I was alone, I would be free. But with a child you have to constantly think of what they’ll be doing. And right now she has nobody to play with, so it all falls on me 90% of the time. I absolutely hate it. I ordered a kind of artsy robe from an artist and it made me feel better.

After our day was done, we went to the grocery store. Stop and Shop was as usual out of cart wipes. There is nothing else to do but go to the grocery store or Walgreeen’s. I bought Lily a stuffie at Walgreen’s and her other stuffie came in the mail; we found it when we got home. It’s pretty sad when a big event is a delivery on your doorstep. Vinh brought masks for mom and Pat, which was nice. It’s annoying that he’s totally obsessed with our daughter. Ok, love her, great. But every word out of his mouth is about her. I’m totally invisible.